31 Days To Make A House A Home: Day 11: Skeletons in my Closet Part 1

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The weather is perfect right now.  It's stormy and cold, perfect for snuggling with a little boy and some chai tea.  Perfect for a laundryfest and Nikita marathon- which is what inspired today's post.  As I was going through my laundry, I realized I was washing the clothes I wear on a regular basis- two pairs of jeans, a handful of shirts, a dress or two.  Minimal, simple clothing.  And yet this is what my closet looks like:


This is my deepest shame.  And I'm posting it on the internet.  These are the skeletons in my closet.  

And when I say skeletons I'm not exaggerating.  After the fires I coped in many ways, all of them unhealthy.  One of these ways, was shopping.  I have amassed hundreds, and hundreds of different pieces of clothing over the last five years, most of them in the first year alone.  This was uncharacteristic of me, especially since I literally wore the same five shirts throughout all four years of high school.  Those shirts were the only things I had after my house burned down, and so shirts, and clothing, became my comfort.   It's silly and ridiculous, but I can't bring myself to get rid of them.  They have so many memories, the reveal secrets about my life I'm not yet ready to pass on.  

The rest of it, the rest of the things I can't donate or toss are going into plastic bins.  There are sentimental clothes, business casual clothes, and mostly clothes I have no hope in fitting into right now.  While I'm happy I'm below my pre pregnancy weight, I'm not below my pre Paul weight.  Combine that with the fact that my body has changed so much since I had Anthony, I have little hope in fitting into most of the things in these bins.  I feel like if I donate them, I will be giving up on the possibility of being a smaller size, like I'll be admitting defeat.  So for now they will sit in bins in the closet, until I get there, give up, or move on.


I'm not done though.  This project is going to continue to another day.  I've gotten most of the clothes out of the closet, but there are clothes every where.  Anthony's room, our bedroom, our laundry pile... I hope to be able to post shots of the floor tomorrow, and bags and bags of clothing I have the gumption to give up.  I keep telling myself they're just clothes.  But they're not.  They're memories.  They're hope.

My mom used to tell my I was a pack rat, a lifetime ago.  I kept every paper, every note, ever book.  I had boxes and boxes full of pictures, of scraps of my life.  But I lost all that, and filled that hole with something else.  I hope that some day I can post about how I filled myself with Lord instead.

Fittingly, God gave me this reminder today.  His promise.  There is no beauty, like the beauty of creation.


11 comments:

  1. love you sister!!

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  2. What a beautiful, honest post! It is so hard to lay yourself out there on the internet. I think you should absolutely do a post on how you filled yourself with the Lord! That would be inspiring. As for your closet, I sympathize. Mine is similar to that. Our difference is I already went through mine earlier this year, and it STILL is overstuffed! I donated a huge bag full of clothes and shoes to Goodwill. And a few weeks ago, I donated another grocery bag full. And it looks like I haven't made a dent in my clothes. I'm like you, I wear the same few shirts/pants over and over. So why do I have so many clothes??! My goal is to cut my clothing amount by half. *gulp*

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  3. Lovely post! *hugs* I can't imagine what you went through. I have those "pack rat" tendencies too and I imagine I would cope in a similar way. God redeems everything though and I bet those clothes will really bless someone when you are ready to let them go. <3

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  4. We all have skeletons. Thanks for being so honest about yours!

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  5. Thanks again for sharing such an open and honest post! These are some of my favorite posts to read - I love seeing that bloggers are real people too!

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  6. Thanks for the honesty in your post and best of luck with the decluttering.

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  7. I am pretty good about staying un-cluttered and clean EXCEPT when it comes to closets. It's so easy to close the door and just not think about it. Good luck to you conquering the closet!

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  8. Ooooooh, geez, do I ever have this problem! I wear the same few outfits over and over, but I never seem to downsize on the stuff I really just don't wear. Time for a trip to Goodwill!

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  9. Megan, thank-you for being so honest and for laying yourself bare in such a public forum. I can only join in hte 'me too' chorus, and encourage you on your journey xx

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  10. Oh My Goodness. I missed this post somehow... and now i feel the need to release my own "hope". I have accumulated way too much little girl clothing... <3

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