On Being A Mother

I can't believe I have a one year old.  I can't believe that I have been a mother for a full year.  I can't believe that my tiny, squishy baby is almost a full blown toddler, walking and talking and being the light of our lives.

Being a mother has changed me.  It's made me a better person.  It's shown me how much God loves me, parent to a child.  It's shown me how much my parents love me.  It's shown me how blessed I am to have Paul as my husband.  I'm more conscious of what I put into the world, and what I take out of it.  I'm more conscious of my time, of my money, of my resources.  It's taught me patience, love at first sight, and what life is really all about.

Never mind that I haven't had more than three hours of uninterrupted sleep in over a year.  Never mind that none of my clothes fit right, or that I can't seem to drop a pound, or that my bra size is on the wrong side of the alphabet.  Never mind that I've changed more diapers than I can count, washed more clothes than I care to mention, or had to ask the ever present question "Is it chocolate or poop?"

This is my life now.  It's the life I chose, it's the life I want.  It's the best thing I've ever done.

I can't remember what life was like before we had Anthony.  What did we do with our time?  How did we spend our weekends?  What brought us joy?  What did we talk about while cuddled up on the couch?

It's made me intentional.  My time actually matters to more than just myself, and I can't waste it.  Anthony is invigorating and funny and exhausting, and he needs all the love I can give him.  Before, I couldn't imagine loving a person with the depth of love I have for him.  It's amazing how one little person can open up your heart and explode it.

This is me.  I'm a mother.  My clothes might be stained and my hair unwashed, the bags under my eyes may be endless, my ability to hold adult conversation diminished, my brain frazzled.  But I wouldn't change any second of it for anything in the whole world- not even a full night's sleep.

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written!! I feel exactly the same way since I became a mother 25 months ago. (: Funny how we can't remember what life was like pre-baby, huh?

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