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Five Minute Friday

Home.

This is sometimes a difficult topic for me.  I've always been a homebody, I've always been the kind of person who would rather stay in then go out. But what do you do when your home isn't there anymore?  What do you do when it's all taken away from you?

Five years.  It's taken five years for me to finally come to terms with the loss of our home.  It's take five years for me to settle into a new home, this time with husband and son.

I still feel like there's something missing at times.  I think it's the Sadie shaped hole in my heart, left by a little dog who loved so much and took nothing for herself.  When her home was burning she ran into it, to find comfort in the nook of a pantry she liked to wander into, and there she stayed.  

It breaks my heart, still.  It breaks my heart to think of her being betrayed by her home.  I used to call her beautiful, instead of her name.  She came to it better.  She would wait by the door and just leap, feet higher than she should have been able to.  When I left for college, for those five weeks, she walked around the house looking for me every night before settling into bed.  When I would come home to visit she wouldn't leave my side.

And that's the problem.  She was part of my home.  Now I have Anthony and Paul and our space, but I don't have her, and I miss it.  I miss wet noses and soft fur.  I miss nervous potty wiggles and leaps and bounds.  I miss everything about her.

It's hard to write about, still.  It's hard to think about. There are things I do for her, as a tribute.  I named the main character of my book after her.  I remember her in moments when I'm sad or happy.  I write her name on the corners of pages.  I wrap myself in the blanket that was hers.

Sometimes I feel silly.  She was a dog, after all.  I should be grateful that no one was hurt, that no one died.  But she died, and my life has never been the same since.  My only solace is knowing that in her final moments she wasn't alone, that God cares for all His creatures, and that Christ was with her.  She wasn't frightened, she wouldn't have been.  And she now she's home, in our real home.  I'll get to see her again someday.

I miss you, beautiful.

9 comments:

  1. Awwwww . . . that would be so very hard . . . God does give us these precious animals for comfort to us. I am thankful you did have her for a season though.

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  2. Oh Megan, this was so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful doggy!

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  3. This breaks my heart this morning. So sorry for the loss of your beloved puppy. I hope that you find some healing and release in this writing. I particularly am struck by the line "I used to call her beautiful, instead of her name. She came to it better." Oh, that we would listen to those same words from our Father and come. Thank you so much for sharing part of your home.

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  4. Beautiful! It's amazing how those pets can touch our lives. They are part of our being and home. Happy FMF

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  5. Oh this was beautiful - and what a gift from God our pets are and it sounds like "Beautiful" was a treasure. Thinking of you today as this word remind you of her {Hugs}

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  6. We're picking up a puppy that was born just 2 weeks ago - and the boys are excited to have some fur running around again - their hearts have been broken when someone hit our dog - and oh, how they grieved for their companion and protector who added so much to our home. I'm sorry about your dog - what special memories you have!

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  7. So sorry for your loss. I pray God continues to give you comfort.

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  8. Aww. Our pets are such an integral part of our lives. You get another dog, love him just as much, but differently. They are not interchangeable.

    I hope for you that your memories will slowly become less painful and that they will eventually make you smile.

    Laura Hedgecock
    http://www.TreasureChestofMemories.com

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  9. So sorry for you loss. Our pets are such an integral part of our lives; they can't be replaced. Plus, they're the ones that would comfort us in times of loss. Like you, I've gotten a new dog (five years ago) and I love him just as much, but differently. They definitely aren't interchangeable.

    My hope for you is that your memories will slowly (or not slowly) become less painful and that you'll be able to look back and smile.

    Laura Hedgecock
    http://www.TreasureChestofMemories.com

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