I have been one of those mothers. I am love my husband and my son. Saying I need time for myself often quakes me with guilt. It makes me feel like a bad person for not wanting to spend every second with the loves of my life. So for over a year, I have kept myself home so that I don't miss a second of my son's life. I wrap myself in the blanket of motherhood and I wear it every second of every day. Sometimes, I need to shed that blanket.
And that's okay. It's okay to want, to need time for myself. In fact, it's necessary. It allows me to remember who I am. It allows me to relax, to feel good about myself, to be independent. It makes me a better mother, it makes me a better wife, it makes me a better person.
I don't take much. Three hours a week is all I truly ask for, to bask in the escapism of my writer's group, to feel like my own person, instead of being pulled in a thousand different directions. When I come back, I am rejuvenated, I am happy, I am more willing to serve. It's started a domino affect in my life. Partially because of Lent, and my desire to say yes. Partially because I'm no longer afraid to spend time away. I'm singing again. I'm writing again. I'm praying again.
That's not to say my son doesn't make me happy. That's not to say I don't want to spend time with him or my husband or my family. That's not to say they don't deserve all my love and attention. They are my whole world, these men. They deserve the best of me. To give them that, I have to be my best.
I don't tell much in this blog. I write for myself, and for God. I don't claim to be perfect, or an expert on anything. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but I'm telling you now:
Fall in love with the person you are, with the person you will be. Don't forget yourself, cling to your morals, your values. Make time for you, because if the person you see in the mirror is a person you don't like, or love, or know, no one else will be able to do those things, either. You deserve it, you deserve you.
So read a book, or read twelve. Take a bath, drink a glass of wine. Go to church, go to a library, go to a movie. Find a quiet moment to remember who you are and why you do the things you do. Whatever it is, do it for you, and don't feel guilty for a second of it. Love yourself.