Dear Anthony

I've conceded to the fact that you are getting bigger, that like you're hair, you're growing, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I made a deal with your father that we would cut your hair on your first birthday, and after much pleading, he conceded to move that deadline back to Easter.  So I spent Holy Saturday playing with your sweet baby curls, before I let him cut it off, before I let you be a boy.


You took advantage of your favorite place little one, "ow-side" as you would say, and toppled over into the dirt, to be licked and nibbled on by your puppy friend.  Your little nose is scraped right now, and while it didn't bother you once I had kissed away your tears, your little nose and forehead bare the marks.


You didn't mind Dad's buzzers at first, you didn't mind it until we held you steal.  It was for your ears love, and so that your father could keep his fingers.  He likes his fingers.


Your littlest aunt's begged for the hair to stay, they may have cried a little with you.  I did too, little baby.  You're growing up so fast, too fast for me.  Once upon a time you fit into the crook of my arms, the puzzle piece I didn't know was missing.  Once upon a time you were just a tiny thing, a little bit.  You were all needs, now you're wants and love and laughter.  I've enjoyed every moment thus far, sweet boy, even the one's you didn't seem to love.


Someday when you're grown and looking over the photographic diary of your life you'll catch the imperfections, the unfolded laundry on the couch, the smudge on your shirt, the unwashed dishes and unvacuumed floor.  But for now, it's all joy.  you laugh, you know you are loved.  We make the best of everything with you, because you are the best of everything.



You make me wish for a perfect world, a world without sadness or sin or sickness.  You make me wish I could bring all these things for you, that I could make a path so straight that you'll never fall.  But you do and you will, because it's part of life, it's part of growing up.  You're growing up, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.


When I'm old and my memories are fading as fast as the setting sun, I'll still remember these moments, I'll still remember the curve of your smile and the twinkle of your eye.  I'll still remember what it felt like to hold you in the curve of my body, to hear your laughter, and the way your fingers wrap around mine.  I'll still remember your head against my arm, and the sweet soft baby kiss you give when you're tired enough to know that I need them.  



When I'm old and I've forgotten the fashion of the nineties and the lyrics to my favorite song, remind me of all the important things.  Remind me of winter mornings, with your one leg out of the covers because you can't sleep with covered feet.  Remind me of spring afternoons in the grass.  Remind me of the way you danced then, all knees and head bobs.  Remind that after all these years, I've never felt closer to God, than when I've held you, knowing what it's like to love.

I love you, baby.

Love,

Mom

14 comments:

  1. Awe, what a precious post! Thank you for linking it to The Weekend Brew!

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  2. I'm so glad you are "treasuring up these moments in your heart", Megan. This reminds me of how the Bible says that Jesus' mother, Mary, "treasured these things in her heart." Your words also reminded me that this mother-love is so very like God's love for us. At least it's a taste of the deep ocean of love He has for us. You have a beautiful son and life, Megan. Thanks for sharing a bit with all of us!

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    1. Comparing me to the Mother of our Lord is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. Thank you so much <3

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  3. so so beautiful!! That first hair cut is such a tear-jerker. We recently cut my little one's hair and he looks like such a boy now, and less and less of a baby.

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    1. It's so hard to see them grow up- even though it's exciting to see how grown up they look!

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  4. This was beautiful!!

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  5. awww, i know you'll miss those curls!
    but what a sweet haircut- he looks so handsome!

    happy monday. :)

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    1. Thank you! Luckily I bagged them up so I can keep them forever ;)

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  6. So sweet. What a beautiful letter to your sweet boy.

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  7. Oh, goodness! ((sniff)). He looks so handsome with his big-boy haircut. And that owie just makes him look brave. Blessings to you, sweet mama, as you love on your little one.

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  8. What a lovely post, I think I would have cried too (My 2 year old son still has his gorgeous curls, which results in everyone thinking he is a girl, but I don't care;) )

    Thanks for linking up with the Tuesday Baby Link-Up! :)

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