In Between #fiveminutefriday

Five Minute Friday

The word is in between and I'm pretty sure Lisa Jo peered into my soul and pulled it out of there.  That's exactly how I've been feeling lately, in between.  I'm struggling to write, and as a writer, that's never good.  I've been soaking up the toddler time, but feeling incomplete in all the ways I wish I were whole.  The stack of unwritten things threatens to reveal all of my secrets.

I'm afraid of who I am not.  I'm afraid that the person I want to be will stay locked in me forever.  I'm afraid that the only book I will finish will be the one that burned, written in Ticonderago number two pencil in two spiral notebooks.  They sat on my shelf in the back of my mind until they didn't and when I sifted through the ashes to find them they were gone, words and dust.  

I'm in between and I wish I knew how to pick a side, to Hamlet myself out of this slump and into being or not.  The thick summer air lays me down hard and I can't seem to get up.  I wish someone would just tell me all the things I need to do and patch the holes in my heart and fill the cracks in my walls.  But the Beatles say it so much better than I and time is running thin.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise


Good night lovelies, and God bless.

11 comments:

  1. So glad that you are here... and writing... sharing... and I so love your honesty! I can hear your true self coming forth even as I read these words, my friend!

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  2. Every season holds different things. I know the one you're in so well. Praying for a season where your words will fly and you'll see a glimpse of the story you were meant to write.

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  3. I am often afraid that the me God created me to be will never show herself. I am learning to be content in the in-between. I love the song quote you posted. Perfect!

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  4. Stopping by from Five Minute Friday.

    @JLenniDorner

    "And when the moment arrives you know you'll be alright." -- Aerosmith said that in the song Amazing. I thought it went well with your Beatles. A little mash up.

    But in all seriousness, I do know how you feel. I spent three years on a sci-fi novel when I was younger. Much younger. So much younger that I had never watched Star Wars. My sci-fi novel had a heroine named... Princess Leah. The first person I was finally brave enough to show it to got through the first paragraph, looked at me, and said, "You know there's already a pretty famous sci-fi Princess that is named Leia, which sounds about the same as Leah." I got wide eyed and replied, "Well, how famous are we talking? I mean, I didn't know about it. So maybe it's not that well known."

    I was considerably more naive back then.

    I printed the whole thing out. Sat and watched at the printer went back and forth, wheels turning, sucking the pages through. Then ripped the sides off of each page. (Those not alive in the 90's have no idea what I'm talking about here. LOL.) Then I burned it. I watched it die. I said good-bye to it and walked away heart broken.

    It never occurred to me to give her a new name.

    Then again, that might be part of how I was, or who I am. I wouldn't rename my character. I would sooner kill my character than have to give her a different name. It felt wrong to me. This was the name she went by. Who was I to call her something else.

    Here's something pathetic... When I first heard that the movie John Carter was coming out, I couldn't understand the poster or why Taylor Kitsch was playing Noah Wyle's role. That didn't make sense! And why did the tag line imply that an emergency room in Chicago was now on Mars?


    Please laugh.




    You will get past your in between eventually. Stick one idea on a post it or word document every day. One idea. One sentence. One character name. Doesn't matter if it's good. Doesn't matter if you like it. Let the words mingle together. Like a good stew. Just some broth isn't going to be the most awesome ever. But invite a vegetable to the party. Then have an herb come on over. Before you know it, something is cooking!


    It'll be okay.

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  5. Megan, thank you for continuing to write even though you may not feel quite inspired at the moment, I am grateful for your post because I am just coming out of feeling this way <3 Have a blessed weekend. Tara (The Proverbs 31 Sanctuary)

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  6. The struggle in the in between makes for amazing fodder on the page. It becomes the true impetus for our pen to move across the page - so while it feels lonely and hard, it is like winter, incubating the amazing. Don't stop writing - keep pushing forward. It will come.

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  7. I confess that I clicked on your tile on Lisa Jo's page because the T.A.R.D.I.S. called to me. :) And great post, too!

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  8. Oh my word!! Your words are so powerful and they just hang in the air until they find their way to settle somewhere between wow and amazing... I've have been where you are sister... truly. And it is trite of me to say this too will pass... but it will. Read, love and most of all fear less...

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  9. Oh that struggle of the in between can so hard. Just keep taking it one word at a time and keep writing because we need your words.

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  10. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your in between. I know that writer's struggle and have felt it many times.

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  11. This is exactly how I feel most days lately. :( Wish this week will be better for you!

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