Last #fiveminutefriday

Five Minute Friday 

 Every time I see him I worry it's the last.  The beep of the monitors drowns out my thinking, a symphony of sorrow.  We mourn the minutes spent here, minutes that could be spent in the summer sun with sweet shared tangerines on our lips, promises of forever.

As the cancer eats away the parts of him I can't see I wonder if he knows how much I love him, how grateful I am to have him in my life.  I try and find the words to tell him, to write down every smile and reckless thought of joy found in memories of white powder snow and soft, freshly baked bread, in toothy pasta grins and in the salty froth of a perfectly caught wave.

I don't know how to exist in a world without him.  I don't know how I can wake up every morning knowing that he's no longer here.  I've been gathering the pieces of my heart to put in an envelope and mail to the sea, a message without a bottle.  In these moments, God whispers to me in the smallest of voices a reminder of a place where there is forever, a place where all the happiest of memories waits with the people we love for us to join them.  It is on that hope that I rely, knowing that in these countdown of days there's a heaven of eternity waiting, just waiting for us to be together again.

3 comments:

  1. Megan,
    What a difficult time you are describing...I hope the memories and love do give you hope at this time and in the future. Thank you for so beautiful capturing the feelings that so many of us have when faced with losing a loved one.

    Kirsten

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  2. Hi, Megan,
    I came over to comment after seeing your photo--Whovians unite!--but this FMF utterly arrested me. This is beautiful, but more than that, it's felt. Reading it, I am right there with you in the hospital, and hopelessly apart. Thanks for letting this prompt run with your emotions for a bit. Praying for peace and heavenly vision for you.

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  3. weeping here and nodding my amen as I've had a hard couple if weeks of grieving the loss of my mother 4 months ago
    beautiful words...

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