Presumption & Balance



I've been a little busy of late.

We welcomed Vincent Daniel Eccles into the world on April 18th, 2014. He's amazing, and Anthony is the best big brother I could have asked for. I'll have more on that--and Vincent's birth story--soon. Vince spent his first 6 weeks a very unhappy baby; and very little else other than baby soothing happened as a result. Then came residency. 



 To say that I love this program wouldn't do it justice. The years I spent wondering about the "what ifs" of getting an MFA didn't prepare me for the knowledge, the friendships, and the experience I've gained. Last time, I left Paul and Anthony at home. It was surreal. It was the first time I was able to be Writer Megan, rather than a mom and a wife and whatever else I need to be at any given time. I never stop being all those things, but for ten days I was able to put Writer Megan in the forefront. This time, I brought the whole gang and the art of balance began.


Luckily, I'm blessed with an amazing husband who took point on all things toddler. They played baseball, floated in the pool, and in general tried to stay cool in the 110 degree heat. I saw them on obscure breaks and in the space between dinner and evening panels. Vincent stayed snuggled on my chest. I really don't know how I'd get anything done without babywearing. Being an adorable baby, he proved far more interesting than I was and stole conversations and smiles. While I'm thankful to be home and back to a normal routine, I miss the poolside and free flow of intellectually challenging conversations involving more than what color ninja I am. (It's red, by the way.)

Yeah, I'm a bad ass writer.

To be honest, I've been hesitant about posting here. I looked back at some of my old posts, some of the flash fiction I threw up on here, some of the prose and I cringed. How did I put words on the internet so riddled with errors? How can I call myself a writer, when all the stories I've put out in the world have been inherently flawed? I can't stomach work that I used to be proud of. There's a part of me that wants to go through and edit and fix it all. But I'm not the same writer I was a year ago, six months ago, ten days ago. There's constant evolution. As writers, we are constantly in flux. Our writing should be improving with each sentence, each word.

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Vincent is my harshest critic.

It's a challenge. The business of being a writer is finding the space between absolute narcissism and crippling insecurity--and somehow surviving there. We live on the idea that we will write words good enough to buy and therefore fund our future writing projects--which is both presumptive and terrifying. The words that were perfect yesterday need polish today. With wisdom, hopefully I'll be able to see a point of balance and find satisfaction in my work.



But whoever said I was wise?

4 comments:

  1. "The words that were perfect yesterday need polish today."



    The most paralyzing truth for a writer. Congrats on the adorable new baby!

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  2. HI!!! Congratulations Writer Megan. Beautiful little boy!


    love and light to you. So happy to see your smile!

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  3. I'm impressed that you can function in 110˚! Oh, wearing the baby and writing and balancing everything for ten days at your residency are pretty amazing, too--but living in 110˚? ;). Congratulations on your new one and on the progress you've been making as a writer.

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  4. Kirsten OliphantJune 28, 2014 at 8:25 AM

    Don't leave your blog or take it down! I totally know what you mean (have you READ my old blog??) but at the same time, its neat to see growth and forward movement and all of those things. I loved this post and seeing you babywear while writing and then I'm inspired. <3

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